''Whatever happened to the innocence of youth? Maybe we were all too protected but that allowed us to enjoy our carefree school days a lot more without the problems of growing-up life intruding. Why the desire to grow up before their time? Life is painful and complicated enough when you do grow up. So isn't it better to have some innocent pleasures you can look back on when the going gets tough?"
It is indeed complicated growing up. When I was younger, I remember asking myself, when will I ever grow up and start working. I couldn't wait to graduate from school. What I never did realize though, was the fact that once the school life is over, it takes along with it the good times I have with the people around me.. Life was so much simpler then..
I only needed to take care of myself and no one else.. I take care of my own feelings and there was no need to subject myself to self-scrutiny or be bound by any disapproval.. I had the best time of my life with the people I love during my years in schools and boarding schools.. Time and again the memory of those wonderful friends I spent my years with and the crazy things we did will come flooding back, and made me wishing I could turn back time.. I miss the times when I had all the energy to just have carefree fun with just groups and groups of friends..
Inevitably, love sets in before I knew it and the indescribable feeling of being in love for the first time was one of the most wonderful things ever happened.. Those things I thought could only happen in the movies, sometimes they do happen in real life, just sweeter with a dash of surprises because they happen when you least expect it to.. ''To the girl whom I love" will always be a phrase I remember because in that hall filled with so many people, I know how I blushed and I recall how the things around me seems unreal, but I wanted it to last.. That was when the innocence of love ruled.. just as inevitable as love, the responsibilities and pain of being in love sets in as well.. and before I knew it, I was as in a period where I wished everything was unreal.. I wish everything would be back to what it was when I was only a teenager.. I can do without the love and all.. I can be contented with just the friends and family I love around me..
Sometimes I still do wonder, if I had rushed into something I shouldn't.. Sometimes I think the pain is still there, and pain was all that confuses me.. Maybe things would have been clearer if I had given myself more time..
But then again, I learnt that in growing up.. everything is about taking things one step at a time.. I have so many more things ahead of me which I hadn't seen, hadn't gone through.. I was always choosing my steps carefully so that I can always assure myself that I had thought through the best for myself..and I realized that I cannot always rely on that.. I need to learn to let it go and let it happen.. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't think so much, or at least be able to convey my thoughts and channel it the right way..
In one relationship, I learnt that I need to take things as they come.. In another, I learnt that timing is everything..
Though it may seem like it, I am not at all in depression or whatsoever.. just my thoughts when I am left alone.. Let's see if my next post will be less worrisome or depressing..
