Sometimes, no matter
how much faith we have,
we lose people.
But you never forget them.
And sometimes,
it's those memories
that give us the strength to go on..

Happy new year!

I will have faith in my own life, instead of putting my faith in someone else's. I think that should be achievable.. 

My heart dropped into my stomach for a while..

Today has got to be the best surprise of 2009 for me!! and it came in Facebook! haha.. =)

It's been a year and I still do miss you.. =) 

I can still remember vividly the way you laughed and the way you get excited at the slightest things.. and the way you would babble incessantly about food you love or places you would've loved to go..  

hugs.. 

Taking Steps and Timings

''Whatever happened to the innocence of youth? Maybe we were all too protected but that allowed us to enjoy our carefree school days a lot more without the problems of growing-up life intruding. Why the desire to grow up before their time? Life is painful and complicated enough when you do grow up. So isn't it better to have some innocent pleasures you can look back on when the going gets tough?"

It is indeed complicated growing up. When I was younger, I remember asking myself, when will I ever grow up and start working. I couldn't wait to graduate from school. What I never did realize though, was the fact that once the school life is over, it takes along with it the good times I have with the people around me.. Life was so much simpler then..

I only needed to take care of myself and no one else.. I take care of my own feelings and there was no need to subject myself to self-scrutiny or be bound by any disapproval.. I had the best time of my life with the people I love during my years in schools and boarding schools.. Time and again the memory of those wonderful friends I spent my years with and the crazy things we did will come flooding back, and made me wishing I could turn back time.. I miss the times when I had all the energy to just have carefree fun with just groups and groups of friends..

Inevitably, love sets in before I knew it and the indescribable feeling of being in love for the first time was one of the most wonderful things ever happened.. Those things I thought could only happen in the movies, sometimes they do happen in real life, just sweeter with a dash of surprises because they happen when you least expect it to.. ''To the girl whom I love" will always be a phrase I remember because in that hall filled with so many people, I know how I blushed and I recall how the things around me seems unreal, but I wanted it to last.. That was when the innocence of love ruled.. just as inevitable as love, the responsibilities and pain of being in love sets in as well.. and before I knew it, I was as in a period where I wished everything was unreal.. I wish everything would be back to what it was when I was only a teenager.. I can do without the love and all.. I can be contented with just the friends and family I love around me..

Sometimes I still do wonder, if I had rushed into something I shouldn't.. Sometimes I think the pain is still there, and pain was all that confuses me.. Maybe things would have been clearer if I had given myself more time..

But then again, I learnt that in growing up.. everything is about taking things one step at a time.. I have so many more things ahead of me which I hadn't seen, hadn't gone through.. I was always choosing my steps carefully so that I can always assure myself that I had thought through the best for myself..and I realized that I cannot always rely on that.. I need to learn to let it go and let it happen.. Sometimes I wish I wouldn't think so much, or at least be able to convey my thoughts and channel it the right way..

In one relationship, I learnt that I need to take things as they come.. In another, I learnt that timing is everything..

Though it may seem like it, I am not at all in depression or whatsoever.. just my thoughts when I am left alone.. Let's see if my next post will be less worrisome or depressing..

My E.Maths Teacher

I went to Mrs Anna Tham's place with the girls today.. she was the ex principal of MGS and also my Guide teacher.. We had a conversation..

Me: Oh! you know.. the other time when I was in SGH I saw this lady who looked like Mrs Moses Yew. I didnt dare to say hi although I really wanted to.. but I was afraid that I might be mistaken because this lady wasnt as plump as the Mrs Yew I remembered.. (I have always missed Mrs Yew and her popiah)

Mrs Tham: Could she walk?

Me: The lady was on a wheelchair and a man was pushing her..

Mrs Tham: That could probably be her. She couldnt really walk and she was admited to SGH and that man was probably her husband. She had multiple myeloma and she passed away recently. 16th March.

Me: (I was speechless)

The first thing that hit me was.. oh my god.. I SHOULD have said hi..

Mrs Yew has always been this jolly E.Maths teacher who appeared to be stern in class but she is really, a very nice person with a good heart. She always has this rosy cheeks. There was one time when she invited all the 4A4 scholars over to her place for popiah (which was really good).. We had such a wonderful time with her.. and we had so much fun with her old tortoise car.. she gave us a couple of rounds of lifts to and fro our boarding school to her place..

Now I really miss her.. I should have said hi.. I really should.. I guess that will be one regret that will remain with me for the longest time..

Roaming Tai-Tai

I've been looking forward to the end of pre-reg life for a long time.. especially when my pre-reg days didnt start off like it should.. but over the nine months, I have had my fair share of fun in Parkway and I got to meet really nice people who are now both my mentors and my friends.. So when it finally ended, there was this weight inside me that made me realise that I am going to miss going to work.. but everything has to end someday somewhere.. So my days as a temporarily unemployed pharmacist turned tai tai started!

It was only the first day and I already knew I can never be a tai tai.. I either get engulfed in guilt for shopping too much (there goes the money as well) or I get so tired from roaming around too long too much.. dont get me wrong, I love roaming and hanging around with friends, but everyone I know is working while I am asleep till the sun shone high! I've been watching Friends so much that I felt like I am one of them (Fat Hope, Shiwei said)

I thought maybe walking ard places where I've never been would be interesting and smth I would not get to do when I start working again.. but hey! Mr Sun! you are working too hard!! I was telling the Boyfriend that the crazy weather can culminate in higher crime rates..

But the days got better as some of the girls started to go on leave and I caught up with Shiwei yesterday, and seeing Hui yie tmr.. and I had a good-for-the-heart walks from Bishan-AMK and City Hall-Raffles Place a few days ago.. Cant wait to go home but there's the chinchillas to settle first.. (its all the stupid landlord's incessant yakkings that I cant stand)

So I've learned: I need either alot of money so that I can sustain my contribution to the retail sector or I need to work (with timely breaks - not when everyone is working)